No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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