How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
