Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
