Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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