I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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