i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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