And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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