Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i will never coherently bang her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
