i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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