OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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