please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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