I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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