Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
