She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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