Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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