i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
