question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
