i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
