the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
