Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
