My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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