On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
