Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your shirt... Was in my pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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