Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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