Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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