Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
