It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
