I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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