the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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