feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
operation have a gay friend backfired
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
