the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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