areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
