I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
