Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
