just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
