How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
