It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
organizing the empties. That sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
