There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry about my life...
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