he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have aggressive nipples.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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