i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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