you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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