i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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