I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
