I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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