just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
