Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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