i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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