I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
