Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
