I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
