Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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