some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
