I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
