Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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