Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
