and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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