Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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