New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So many bounce houses so little time
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
