so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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