Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I CAN MOONWALK!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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