I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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