she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
