and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
