you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
