The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
