You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
